Fifty One Ways to Annoy Kaiba
by Kohaku no Hime
Summary: Look at the title for the description. No pairings, non-bashing, edited 06/2012 to meet FFN guidelines.


_You've all seen this before, but in light of the recent crackdown by FFN admins I've decided to edit this series of fics so that they don't have numbers. I've also combined a couple that were similar in nature to save on space. There are some new ones in here that I've added after going over them. _

_...Yes, this author's note is the exact same one you'll now be seeing through all of the "Fifty One Ways to Annoy..." series._

_This fic is not meant to be bashing the character involved in any shape of fashion. Please don't construe this fic to mean that I dislike the character involved._

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**Fifty One Ways to Annoy Kaiba:**

Obvious, but…kidnap Mokuba.

Give his cell phone number, his email address, his fears (on the off chance he has any) and any personal information to Pegasus, Siegfried, or anybody else interested in him for revenge purposes

Whenever he's busy paying the bills, say in a loud voice, "Kaiba Corporation just went bankrupt."

Sing the Llama Llama song repeatedly.

Set his alarm clock to go off at different hours of the night. Or, if you _really_ want to have fun and are industrious enough, have Bakura help you steal everything that could possibly tell Kaiba what time it was.

Rig his office chair with a car battery underneath so that whenever he sits he gets shocked.

Laugh at any and all Duel Monsters strategies he comes up with.

Drug his food, then dye his hair neon green and put in orange colored contact lenses when he's asleep. Call him a celery head when he realizes what you've done.

Steal his cell phone and set the ring tone for, "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Then wait until he's in a business meeting—or somewhere else important—and call his cell phone.

Tie him to a chair and drop his least favorite food down the front of his shirt.

Point out that even though he's totally awesome and all he has to repeatedly rely on a bipolar porcupine head for help and his friends for help.

Laugh loudly and maniacally whenever he walks into the room. Don't answer any questions relating to this laughter.

Show him Fanfiction. Don't even show him anything in particular—the sight alone will make his eye twitch.

Ask him why he doesn't talk like a medieval knight ("I shall save thee!"). When he asks you why, tell him that you expected him to do it since his Egyptian counterpart talked that way.

Dress up like Gozaburo and walk into Kaiba's office.

Whenever he brings up that he has the only three BEWD in existence, take him to Wal-Mart and show him the copies of his deck that they are selling.

Dump a bucket of paint on him. Make sure he's wearing his trademark white trenchcoat

Lock him in the same room as Joey, Yugi, Ishizu, Pegasus, etc…

Shave his head while he sleeps.

Steal his deck and sell it on ebay.

When he's asleep, place yourself three centimeters away from his face so that when he wakes up you're the first thing he sees. This won't take long, as he's a light sleeper.

After Kaiba calls Joey "Mutt" for the thousandth time drug him and dress Kaiba up in that dog costume Duke forced Joey in.

Ask him innocently if he has any inclinations of sending cards to outer space to let the intelligent alien life know about Earth. Ask this constantly.

Force him to watch a magic show and comment loudly on how it must be proof of his ancestor's existence.

Dye his trenchcoat pink.

Get him a rock and tell him that it's got more emotional capacity than he does.

Claim that you know his deepest darkest secret and that you'll post it on the internet. If this fails, kidnap Mokuba again.

Spread gloriously outlandish rumors about him. Be sure to tell them to the news crews and watch Kaiba's reaction.

Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

Replace all his dusters with Batman capes and find a way to install a Batcave. If you're really ambitious, turn his car into a Batmobile.

After he gets done organizing the mountain of paperwork on his desk, bring in a leaf blower and turn it on.

Whenever he's dueling Yugi, dress up in a cheerleader's outfit and make up his own cheer. This little maneuver is guaranteed to embarrass the living life out of him.

See how many rounds of "100 Bottles of Dragons to Find" he can take before he calls for security. Claim that singing was a test to determine his mental stability and that you were expecting him to fail.

In full view of Kaiba, use the Duel Disk for something that it wasn't designed for (like using it as a Frisbee, for example).

Hide the keys to his car, plane, boat, house, office, safe…you get the gist. When he asks you where the keys are, smile innocently and claim you flushed them down the toilet.

Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.

Since we all know he doesn't cry, tell him, "Your lack of emotion just proved my presence is needed here. I shall remain."

Make up his own theme song and sing it whenever he enters the room, or triumphs, or walks, or eats, or…well, get creative.

Steal his credit cards and invite Mai to go with you on a shopping spree.

Reprogram his holograms so that whenever he plays his Blue Eyes White Dragons a Kuriboh pops up instead.

Find a way to tie him up using nothing but the belts on his sleeves and boots. Proceed to practice on him.

Continuously point out that he will never beat Yugi. If necessary, remind him constantly of Yugi's loss to Raphael and that he should ask Raphael for dueling advice.

Buy a giant cardboard standee of Kaiba and carry it around with you. Make sure to speak to it in his presence with all the fangirly mushiness you can muster.

Make sure to do the above suggestion in public—or, even better, when he's having a board meeting. Tell anyone who asks that Kaiba hired you to do it.

Ask him repeatedly if he's got plans to make a Duel Monsters school or to invent a way to duel on motorcycles.

When he _finally_ loses his temper and tries to attack you, sigh dramatically and say, "I always said he was insane," even if you've only met him last month.


End file.
